Our Surrogacy Story
I had always wanted children, but as a gay man, it didn't seem possible when I was growing up. When I met Anthony in 2009, we dreamed of having a family, but it felt distant and impossible. In fact, gay marriage was illegal at the time, so there were a lot of barriers to family planning.
As the years passed, we explored our options for family-building and chose surrogacy. We wanted to start with surrogacy and IVF. But we had no idea where to begin.
Getting Started with Gestational Surrogacy
Our first step was selecting a fertility clinic. After researching, we chose Illume Fertility. The team at Illume recommended contacting a surrogacy agency, and we partnered with Golden Surrogacy in Chicago.
Uniquely, our surrogate was a friend and nurse I had worked with in Florida. While it's great to have a trusted friend as a surrogate, she still had to undergo all necessary medical and psychological screenings.
Finding LGBTQ+ Friendly Care
Finding a fertility clinic that welcomed LGBTQ+ families and provided expert care was crucial. Illume Fertility, led by Dr. Mark Leondires, who himself became a father via surrogacy, offered us both professional expertise and personal empathy. Dr. Leondires was fantastic, and our results couldn’t have been better.
Matching with a Surrogate
Our surrogate, a nurse I had worked with, reached out after learning we were interested in surrogacy. We couldn't contain our excitement. But we also knew it could be complicated. Fortunately, it was a perfect match.
Building a Relationship with Our Surrogate
We communicated at least once a week. Living an hour away, we visited often and attended some doctor's appointments. The COVID-19 pandemic added complications, but our strong pre-existing trust made the process smoother.
The Highs & Lows of Surrogacy
Uncertainty was tough. It was very difficult not knowing if it would work. Financial commitments and finding a surrogate were challenges. A failed embryo transfer was an emotional low point, but we persevered and now have our twins.
Navigating Twin Parenthood
Our twins, Adam and Anya, were born healthy at 37 weeks. Having two babies at once was a challenge. Especially during the first three months, with their unpredictable sleep patterns and my work at the hospital during the pandemic.
Finding Our Village
An au pair and a loving family helped us manage work and parenting. We love spending time with the kids, taking them out, swimming, and teaching them to travel and explore
4 Tips for LGBTQ+ Parents-to-Be for Surrogacy
Start with a Surrogacy Agency: Contact an agency early and select a reputable, LGBTQ-friendly fertility clinic.
Explore Financial Options: Consider insurance for your surrogate and start the process before open enrollment
Stay the Course: The journey can be long and emotional. Patience is key.
Establish a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive family, friends, and colleagues. Read books about diverse families to your children.